Ya’ll have probably heard, my latest relationship ended roughly a week ago. Not that I’m terribly upset to no longer be dating the guy, it’s more the way he went about the relationship.

I’ve had a problem with opening up to guys for a while now. Not entirely sure why, but that’s how I feel.

It’s gotten to the point that I don’t have really any guy friends anymore. As much as I would like to be in a good relationship, I’d rather have a few more guy friends to help calm me down. lol I have been known to wear my emotions on my sleeve and have a hard time hiding them. Not that I can really do much about that, but hanging out with guys has mellowed me out in the past.

Since breaking up with my long term bf last year, most of my guy friends sided with him, though I never thought they would openly admit it to me much less feel the need to pick sides. That left me with 2 guy friends. Don’t get me wrong, they’ve been close friends of mine for something like 6 years now but 1 of them recently left the country for 2 years while the other is taking way too many college credits at a time. (lol)

Back to my point, I’m not feeling respected by the guys who supposedly like me (or claim to love me) and I feel like I’m always going to be second best to one of my (best) friends. It’s moments like these that I really need a guy to tell me otherwise (not to get with me, but to reassure me). It’s totally different when my girl friends say things like that to me. My girl friends have always been there to comfort me and this is no different. The past week that I’ve felt this way, they have been there for me. It’s just something a guy needs to tell me I guess.

Which leads me to my last point, Newby needs to come back. He’s been the one I turn to when I need to talk to a guy that will actually listen and care. But no. He’s in Brazil. I finally mailed his first letter the other day. And wrote another one today. let me tell you, spilling your guts like I have online where I highly doubt anyone who matters will reads this is one thing. But writing something specifically for a good friend to read is entirely different. In this case, I ended up going against advice from a friend regarding my now ex and told Newby all about it. Honestly, I’m afraid he’ll be disappointed in me.

Side note- Not sure if any or all of this made sense but there it is. Somewhere, how I’m feeling about my current situation.